Husband sent a text to his wife, “Hi I will get late, please wash all my dirty clothes and please prepare my favorite dish before I return.”
He sent another text, “I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary and at the end of the month I’m getting you a new car”
Wife text back, “Omg really ?”
Husband Replied, “No, I just wanted to make sure that you got my 1st message.”
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A girl came skipping to home from school one day…
Daughter : Mommy, Mommy, we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 !
Mom : Very good.
Daughter : Is it because I’m blonde ?
Mom : Yes, it’s because you’re blonde.
The next day the girl came skipping to home from school….
Daughter : Mommy, mommy, we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to G, but I said it to N. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L M, N !
Mom : Very good.
Daughter : Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy ?
Mom : Yes, it’s because you’re blonde.
The next day the girl came skipping to home from school…
Daughter : Mommy, Mommy, we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these ! (She lifted her tank top to reveal a fully developed chest ).
Mom : Very good !
Daughter : Is it because I’m blonde, mommy ?
Mom : No Honey, it’s because you’re 18 !
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Two friends are talking….
Boltu : You know, my grandfather is a brave man. He went to the jungle of Africa in the last summer and suddenly confronted by a tiger.
Montu : Really ! After return he must be applauded by everyone ?
Boltu : I did not say that he came back.
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In court, the trucking company’s lawyer was questioning a farmer named Donald…
Lawyer : Didn’t you say, at the moment of the accident, ‘I’m fine.’
Donald : Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the…
Lawyer (interrupted) : I did not ask you for any details, just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?’
Donald : Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…
The lawyer (interrupted again) : Judge, I’m trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.
By this time the judge was fairly interested in Donald’s answer and said to the lawyer “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie.”
Donald thanked the judge and proceeded :
Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving down the highway when this huge semi-truck ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. When the highway patrolman came on the scene he could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her and saw her near fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, ‘How are you feeling?’
Now what the fuck would you say?
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Two friends are talking..
1st Friend : I would like to give something to Angela for valentines day. Please tell me what should I give ? I wanna give her such a thing which she would like very much.
2nd Friend : Angela likes you ?
1st Friend : Too much.
2nd Friend : You can give her anything. It’s clear that Angela’s tastes and preferences are not so good.
The post The Taste is Not So Good. appeared first on Funny Jokes of The Day.
Two friends are talking…
1st Friend : Girls are like examination of school to me .
2nd Friend : Why ?
1st Friend : Complex, not easily understood, a lot of questions, the answers are always doubtful !
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Son : Oh ! Why not the size of apple be equal to the size of watermelon .
Dad : Why are you thinking like this ?
Son : I can’t memorize the law of gravity by any means !
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1st Friend : The price of everything in the world has increased but why hasn’t the price of kerosene risen?
2nd Friend : The condition of the whole world is kerosene, so there’s no reason to increase… .
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Rocky : Hey friend, I’m going on vacation to Hawaii. Could you please give me a good book which is full of excitement, mystery and adventure that I can spend a great vacation.
Boltu : Ok, Take this book. Its very exciting and mysterious. The excitement is that – you would not able to understand first, who killed the father of the hero. You’ll be know at the last page that the murder is committed by the gardener !!
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Harry : What is your younger brother doing now ?
David : A few days ago he opened a clothing store, now he is in jail .
Harry : Why ?
David : Because he opened that shop by breaking the door with a hammer !!
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